How do I truly feel about you? Well, it’s really not that easy for me to literally put everything from my heart and my head on the table and show them to you. You’re kind of complicated. Seriously complicated. Yet, at the same time, you’re pretty easy to figure out. I know exactly the type of person you are, but you’re slowly changing, almost all the time. I guess that’s pretty normal for a lot of people. But back to the question; how do I TRULY feel about you? Well, my answer is that you’re just different. You’re different from all the people I’ve known, especially the ones who slowly comes into my life, and then slowly leaves. And I really like that. I really like the fact that you’re different. I like you, and that’s all you need to know.
You make me feel a lot of things. You make me feel happy, you make me feel sad, you make me feel sick, you make me feel warm, you make me feel alone, you make me feel crazy, you make me feel suicidal, you make me feel disoriented, you make me feel dizzy, you make me feel fearless, you make me feel fearful, you make me feel insecure, you make me feel blissful, you make me feel a lot of things. But, most importantly, you make me feel grateful to be alive, for a little while. I’m not trying to scare you or worry you, I just wanna let you know about the things you make me feel.
You also constantly inspire me to do things I normally wouldn’t do. You make me wanna write you a poem, but I hate poems. You make me wanna write a song about you, but I suck at writing songs. You make me wanna draw a portrait of you, but I don’t even have a picture of you. I also know that the distance between us is truly great, but I don’t mind, because I know you’re still here on this planet, just like me. I always ask myself, ‘why does she keeps on doing this to me’? ‘Why does she keeps on popping up in my head’? Why? WHY? Why am I so crazy for you? Why can’t I get over you? When will this end? How will this end? I don’t even know how to answer those questions.
But when I see you’re online on Facebook, I smile to myself, knowing that you’re there. I don’t want to talk to you because I don’t know what to talk about. I really am awful at small talk. But I’m really good at being honest. Last month, if you recall, I opened up to you, knowing that I’ve been holding this ‘crush’ of mine for almost four years. I just had to let it all out. Oh, did I mention that you were the first ever girl I’ve confessed to? I still remember your reaction. You were shocked but at the same time you were happy about it, and thanked me for it. I’m not sure if you were honest or you just felt sorry for a pathetic person like me. But that confession wasn’t a ray of sunshine for me. It was just a huge cloud hanging over me. The next ten days made me suffer. But I survived.
I’m a person full of weakness, I know. I’m insecure, I’m socially awkward, I’m constantly fearful and I’m pathetic. But when you pop up in my head, I feel as though I want to change all that. I want to change all of my flaws and eat all my regrets. You’re not that change in my personal life, but you are an inspiration and a muse to me, something that keeps me going to change myself for the better. I’m still trying, and it’s gonna take a lot of time, but as long as you’re still around, I’ll keep going.
I know you will never have the same feelings for me, and you probably don’t care that much for me, I know I will never be your ‘knight in shining armor’, I know I will never be your ‘one and only’, I understand. But I just want you to know that I’ll still be there for you, as a friend. It sounds pretty cheesy, but I’m serious about it. I’ll try to make you laugh, or at least smile, when you’re feeling down. I won’t be able to see that smile, but I know it’s there on your face, as I try to make your day good again. People may call this whatever they want, ‘friendzone’, ‘the point of no return’, ‘the Bermuda Triangle’, doesn’t matter to me. I know you’re a really good friend, and we may probably never be together, but being friends with you will still, and always make me smile. You’ve thanked me before for liking you and being honest about it. Now, I’m thanking you for being such a good friend to me. So, thanks.